We're not here to tell you how to run your life. We're mostly just here to provide you with cute pictures of kittens and GIFs you might like. But if we could make a suggestion, don't get your dad any of these things for Father's Day.
Not even as a joke, because what a waste of money. Maybe if you're really mad at him or something, these would make sense. But still, do you really want to spend $20 on a useless piece of garbage to make your dad feel bad when you could use that $20 to make 80 harassing calls from different pay phones? (Don't actually do that.) Here are some things to avoid this Father's Day.
Because you want your dad to smell like beer just in case he gets pulled over by the cops on the way to your house.
Ceramic Boot Full of Cactii
Perfect! For no one!
Happy Father's Day! I got you a girdle because I am horrible!
It's a good thing everyone totally loves to talk about how bald they are, otherwise these would be the worst gift ever!!
World's Greatest Anything
Why, you're such a great dad that I bought you this mug from the gas station when I realized you wouldn't be understanding at all that I forgot to get you a gift.
Nose Hair Trimmer
Congratulations -- there is no way Dad is going to pay for you to go to art school now.
"Awesome! This is perfect for when I go to the NEVER. I WILL NEVER WEAR THIS."
Chainsaw and a Case of Beer
Just a horrible combination. Why would you even consider that?