Listen, we understand that headline is a pretty tall order. We know exactly what you're thinking -- "I used to watch 'Passions.' Bring it." We thought the same thing. But, holy moly, did 'General Hospital' have a surprise in store for us.

In this scene, a little girl's doll frightens a grown woman, whose natural response is to chuck it into the air. Unfortunately, it lands on a barbecue, and we learn that it was apparently drenched in lighter fluid at some point, because it *immediately* bursts into enormous flames, exhibiting exactly the kind of flame retardation you look for in a child's toy. "I'll call 911," says a woman who clearly doesn't understand what constitutes an emergency.

Fortunately for everyone, there is a picnic cooler nearby that is inexplicably full of water. The doll is doused and smothered with a blanket or something (doesn't matter what, it's not nearly as flammable as the toy apparently), and the little girl, who has been screaming the whole time, asks, "Is baby Ariel okay?" as we look at the blackened, charred remains of her (presumably) favorite toy.

No. Baby Ariel most certainly is not okay.