After relentlessly badmouthing 'Two and a Half Men' creator Chuck Lorre earlier in the year, ousted star Charlie Sheen got exactly what you'd expect in the season nine premiere: a supremely undignified end.

Turns out, Sheen's character died after he fell (or was pushed by jealous stalker Rose) from a subway platform in Paris. "His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat," she explained. Yow.

But that wasn't the end of the indignities. As Alan (Jon Cryer) prepared to disperse his brother's ashes, he was startled by Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), causing him to scatter the cremains everywhere. Alan's solution? A hand vacuum.


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