There are few holidays that create more excitement and festiveness than St. Patrick’s Day. All over the country, people crowd the local pub in green clothes where they guzzle a ton of green beer, only to puke it back out in a green mess and wake up the next day in a green haze.


Of course, just like the crazy uncle in your family who thinks he’s Santa Claus in July, some people can take a good thing way too far. These are the trigger signals that you need to de-green yourself.

1. Instead of pouring milk over your kid’s morning bowl of cereal, you pour a Guinness.

2. You ask your cardiologist if shooting up a vein with green food coloring will screw with your heart.

3. You think the green tinge of the Hudson River means that New York City must celebrate St. Patrick’s Day year round.

4. You purposely stop brushing to give your teeth the perfect shade of green.

5. You bought an extra big cooler to make room for all the beer you’re going to drink and an extra liver.

6. You kidnapped Danny DeVito and held him in your basement for three days to get him to tell you where he keeps his pot of gold.

7. Your special St. Patrick’s Day cocktail recipe includes a bottle of green NyQuil.

8. You’ve been drinking for a solid week and you’re not Lindsay Lohan.

9. You consider Lucky Charms a dinner course and you don’t live in a trailer.

10. You’ve got more green on you than Mitt Romney.

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