8 Weird and Wacky Thanksgiving Items From Etsy

These pumpkin pie-shaped hand soaps are certainly pretty and definitely tempting to look at. In other words, it's a 50/50 shot that someone's spending Thanksgiving in the ER with a child who's just ingested a good helping of glycerin and shea butter.

Guess who's spending Turkey Day at the Barbie Dream House? Pilgrim Ken, that's who! He'll cruise over in his convertible, make a few inappropriate comments about Barbie's "breast meat," then sprawl across her couch to watch football with one hand shoved down his anatomically irrelevant crotch. (Kitchen-slave Barbie sold separately.)

Behold, the Liza Minnelli of Thanksgiving-themed pumpkin figurines.

Um, how to put this delicately... the big, brown bird design makes it look like the poor baby made to wear these 'Little House on the Prairie' bottoms already had a little accident.

For the Don Ho Thanksgiving Luau party planner in all of us, there's this stuffed turkey head that you can pin to the bottom of a pineapple. And then spend the rest of the night explaining to your guests that no, it's not a peacock, and no, you're not a recently escaped mental patient.

Studio 54 Thanksgiving centerpiece? African headdress Thanksgiving centerpiece? Vegas showgirl Thanksgiving centerpiece? Bowling ball for jazz-hands enthusiasts? Answer: All of the above.

"Gather 'round, little ones! It's time for your favorite Thanksgiving tale: 'The Case of the Faceless Pilgrims.' Wait, stop crying! They're just fingers with felt hats. Great. This cute Etsy gift just cost me years of therapy bills."

Our first reaction: Ewww. Second reaction: Actually, those probably taste all right. Third reaction: Anyone else suddenly feel like having breakfast?