Now that 'Breaking Bad' is drawing to a close, and 'Mad Men' is heading into its final stretch, it seems like someone at AMC looked around and went, "Get me a ton of spin-offs, stat!" Thus the upcoming series for 'Breaking Bad's' sleazy lawyer Saul and today's announcement that a 'Walking Dead' spin-off is also in the works.
One problem, though -- no one watches 'The Walking Dead' for the characters. (Do you really care about whether or not Glenn and Maggie will make it in this crazy, zombie-filled world?) Outside of a solo Michonne series or "Crossbow Hunting with Daryl," we're hard-pressed to think of any characters we want to see get their own starring vehicle. The "companion series," as its being called, would focus on a different set of survivors in the same zombie apocalypse. Who's ready for more long monologues about the evil that men do punctuated by occasional bursts of gore???
Frankly, the only way we'll be excited about a 'Walking Dead' spin-off is if it's about the one thing we watch the show for -- the zombies. Why not have a show that is ENTIRELY from the perspective of the undead? Here are our picks for zombies, er, "walkers" who deserve their own show.
We've all seen this zombie before -- she was in like every ad for the show before it premiered. But who is she? And why does her hair remain so silky smooth? What's her secret? Is she a Pantene gal or does she use home remedies like egg and olive oil to get that "just stepped out of the salon" glow? Do the other zombies go to her for hair styling tips? Does she work part-time as a zombie hair stylist in between gnawing on delicious human entrails? She has nice hair, is what we're saying.
Dubbed the "hipster zombie" by the Web, this guy is screaming for his own show. First off, he looks like a healthier version of goth rocker Nick Cave. What's this guy's deal??? Was he in a "Yacht Rock" cover band? Did he have a trust fund? Did he make bespoke hats in a Williamsburg clothing boutique before being chomped on by an angry zombie customer with an ironic handlebar mustache?
As it turns out, hipster zombie is portrayed by 'The Walking Dead' makeup and effects artist Joe Giles. So he can do his own makeup every week and save AMC some money for Matthew Weiner's next contract negotiation.
Penny, The Governor's zombie daughter
Oh we would watch the zombie hell out of a show about The Governor's snarling, rabid daughter.
Our pitch would be a show that takes place entirely inside her mind as she's sitting in that cage in the Governor's house thinking about all the ways she's going to tear the flesh from her pop's face. "Go ahead, brush my hair like I'm your creepy undead doll. I'm just biding my time until I can go to town on your eyeballs." A Penny solo show would make up for the fact that she never got to bite into her dad's juicy neck thanks to meeting the pointy end of Michonne's sword.
The half zombie from the pilot
Everyone remembers the decomposing zombie who pathetically menaced Rick in the pilot episode. But what happened to her before Rick put her out of her misery? When did she lose her bottom half? Was she an elderly woman before she turned, or is her grey hair just a result of being a zombie and all? And did she make any kills as a half decomposed, crawling creature of doom? Perhaps she caught a turtle or a chubby kid with asthma.
Remember when everyone was all "Where's Sophia??" for like nine episodes and then it turned out she was IN THE ZOMBIE BARN ALL ALONG??? Okay, sure, she's dead. But maybe she's TV dead and not actual dead.
See, there's a little bit of life left in her, and the spin-off follows her journey to find her mom Carol. And here's the twist -- she was never a zombie! It turns out little Sophia was just pretending to have a hunger for human flesh so she could be like the other kids in the barn. And her mom grounds her and says something like, "No soup for you tonight, which we don't have anyway because there's no more food!" And then old Hershel shakes his head, as if to say "kids today, right??," and the studio audience cracks up. This is a family sitcom, by the way. We'll call it "The Family That Eats Together..." Tyler Perry is producing. TBS has already greenlit 100 episodes.