Being sad, alone and pathetic is sort of a specialty of mine. To give you an idea, I've definitely been humiliated by an airbrush artist at an amusement park, which I was visiting without any friends. So when it comes to Valentine's Day, I've basically mastered the art of being totally miserable. Feel free to join me, but it's going to be a pretty rough night. Let's get started, shall we?

First things first, you should probably listen to this song. 'Love Song' or whatever Joy Division thing you were thinking of isn't depressing enough.

If that's a little too on the nose, here's a whole playlist just called 'Sadness' with some ridiculous '90s stuff.

(You can listen to it and think about watching all your friends dancing while you sat alone in middle school! HAHAHA)

Did you know "Tearjerker" is a legitimate genre on Netflix? It's like they're doing all the work for us.


Or you could just watch all of our marriage proposal videos, right here. Here's one to get you started.

If you don't feel like watching a video, why don't you look at these sad kittens?

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This one's actually crying.


This one is too sad to cry anymore.


We all know why this one's sad.


Sorry. Maybe just stare at this for a while instead.


If all else fails, watch this. (WARNING: this is a last resort).

(Un)Happy Valentine's Day!

TheFW Associate Editor Emerald Catron is actually really doing just fine. Follow her on Twitter for more tips on being pathetic and lonely.