"It's so hot outside." "Can't summer be over?" "UGH. So hot outside. Thanks, Obama." That's what you think you sound like right now. "Blahblahblah mememe moomoomoo" is what your constant summer griping actually sounds like to me.

Maybe instead of complaining about how bright the sun is (are you serious?), you should be thankful that you don't have to wear pants for at *least* two more months. No pants. And this does not only apply to ladies. If I saw a dude in a skirt right now, first I would probably think "Hey dude, Bonnaroo was several weeks ago and in a different state," but then I would probably think "Right on, sir. Right on." Also, did it not occur to you that 95 degree weather is a permission slip for unlimited tiki drinks? Seriously, everybody needs to stop complaining about summer. Right now. Here's why.

  • 1

    Did we mention tiki drinks?


    In the summertime, you chop open a coconut WITH A MACHETE and fill it full of booze. Then you drink it. In the winter you add brandy to a bowl full of raw eggs. The end.

  • 2

    You can go outside.

    Summer Outside

    How quickly you forget being trapped in your apartment because the entire outside world was a slush-puddle of garbage water. How quickly you forget being so bored that you thought maybe you should try watching 'Once Upon a Time' on Netflix. Go outside. It's good for you.

  • 3

    You don't need a coat.

    Winter Coat

    Getting dressed in the summer is a breeze. You can pretty much wear whatever you want -- everyone is too busy trying not to get heat stroke to even pay attention to what you're wearing. Jorts are the strongest proof of this. I could see a guy wearing a pair of cutoffs and a mesh tank top, and I wouldn't even bat an eye. I would just be like "this guy gets it." Then we would high five and become BFFs, because summer is magical.

  • 4

    The food is better.

    Eat All The Hot Dogs

    Winter is all like "Hey, why don't you have some more mashed potatoes while you watch another episode of 'Once Upon a Time,' you stupid hunk of worthless crap?" Summer is all like "EAT A MILLION HOT DOGS! HAVE SOME LEMONADE. GO NUTS, IT'S SUMMER." Then a bunch of fireworks go off, and you realize your life is practically a commercial for Levi's, except you haven't worn pants for four weeks.

  • 5

    Ice cream is acceptable every day.


    If you aren't eating ice cream every day, you probably shouldn't be complaining about how hot it is, because are you even trying not to be hot?

  • 6

    The days are longer.


    Seriously, do you not remember how just a few short months ago it was dark by the time you left work? Cherish the summer, when it doesn't quite seem like work is stealing away the most precious hours of your life. Go for a stroll in the daylight. Have an ice cream. Listen to the sounds of children screaming as they get blasted in the face by a fire hydrant. Ahhhh, summer.

  • 7

    You can take your sweet, precious time.

    Smell the Roses

    Here's a fun thing to do in the summer -- just leave your house and see what happens. Don't be in a rush to get to where you're going. Meander around and discover new things. Stop to smell the roses (which are in bloom). You know what's not going to happen -- frostbite. Chilblains. Chapped lips or eyes. Stepping into a giant puddle of slushy ice water because it looked like solid ground. Don't be shy, get some vitamin D -- your waxy, pale legs are practically begging for it.

  • 8

    The parties are better.

    Summer Parties

    You know what's more fun than standing around a crowded apartment wearing too many layers for the massive blast of heat coming from your friend's unstoppable radiators? A piñata. A pool party. Drinks on the patio. Rubbing the condensation from a cold can of beer on your forehead to cool down. Summer is the time to enjoy simple pleasures. Maybe try a few and you won't be so miserable.

  • 9

    Have you ever jumped into a fire hydrant?


    Guess what? You should - you don't have to be a stuffy grown up when it's 103 degrees outside. In fact, the fact that you're complaining so much suggests to me that maybe you need to spend some time playing in a sprinkler or something.

  • 10

    No amount of complaining is going to make it not be summer.

    deal with it

    If none of these other points convince you, at least take this to heart -- unless you go to a different hemisphere, there is nothing you can say or do that will make it not be summer right now. You may as well enjoy it, because you are powerless to change it.

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