Ugh, Deer Flies! I Just Discovered a Stupidly Easy Way to Outsmart Them

If your neighborhood is anything like mine, there's a specific two-week period in the summer when the temperature is steamy, the breeze is non-existent, and it happens.

The deer flies arrive.

This happened precisely two days ago, just after a pretty bad thunderstorm. I walked out, inhaled the gloopy air, and a deer fly landed on me and bit HARD. It was waiting for me.

I don't know why, but deer flies love me—and my dog. I can hear them coming from a few feet away, and they go for my head like little laser-wielding fighter jets. It's not just a little bite; it's a welt. A big bite for such a small bug.

TRIGGER ALERT: HERE COMES THE CLOSE-UP DEER FLY-BITING PHOTO

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Even the usually subdued WebMD thinks these pests are no-good little jerks. 

What are deer flies? They are blood-sucking pests that bite humans, cattle, horses, dogs, and many other mammals.

Truth! They also seem somewhat territorial, watching over a specific stretch of our road where I walk the dog. Neighbors have lilkely witnessed the odd spectacle of a frantic, flailing man (me) with a Goldendoodle sprinting down the road like he's being chased by invisible ninjas.

It was just after I got the first bite that I remembered a product I ordered from Amazon during the height of the deer fly season last year. Sadly, once it arrived, the deer flies had fled (or died?), and I didn't get to see if it worked. Now was my chance.

Deer Fly Patches

Allow me to introduce you to TRED-NOT Deer Fly Patches. The product's packaging, which is adorably homespun if you ask me, explains that deer flies typically go for the back of the head. That is 100% correct in my personal experience. They also travel in groups. That is also true, given there's never just one.

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That's where the patch comes in. It's a sticky band that you attach to the back of your hat, and when one deer fly lands on it, it tells the other deer flies that it's the place to be.

I tried one this morning and check it out:

You can see that in a span of just ten minutes, the sticky patch caught four deer flies—and only deer flies.

Let me tell you, I could hear them coming up behind me and even tensed up, waiting to protect myself. That never happened; the buzzing just stopped. Not a single sting.

Over the past two days, I have yet to be stung and even had a neighbor (swatting deer flies off her head) note the weird contraption on my hat covered in flies. She pulled out her phone and ordered some immediately.

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Of course, if you search online, you'll find a horror show of before-and-after Fly Patch photos, showing deer fly infestations in parts of the country where it seems like it's just deer flies 24/7.

Check this one out from the Walmart page that is selling this product. Um, what?

So there are the pros, but what about the cons?

As a proud vegetarian and animal lover, having dead bugs stuck to the back of my head isn't exactly my idea of a good time. But hey, they started it!

Plus, there's this nagging fear that a bat might mistake my head for a buffet and I'll have to deal with a poor bat stuck to my head. So far, no bat showdowns and I haven't seen any evidence of that happening elsewhere.

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Also, read the instructions. I didn't (as usual), and they clearly state which sticky side is for catching bugs and which side is for adhering to your hat. I messed that up and ended up ruining my favorite ball cap with glue residue. That was my bad.

In conclusion, dog walks are much less dramatic this deer fly season. While I’m not officially endorsing this product—and I'm sure you could DIY one—I am a fan and will keep them well-stocked for summers to come.

Deer flies beware!