Back in April, retired actress and living doll lookalike Amanda Bynes side-swiped a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Deputy patrol car at 3 AM. After the 26-year-old refused to take a chemical test, she was arrested for DUI.

Alrighty then. While we have to give Bynes points for creativity and grandiosity, the simple fact is Obama doesn't have the authority to fire a local police officer. (Nor the time or interest, probably.)

Instead, Amanda, you should have asked him to call in a drone strike against the offending cop. But it's too late for that and now you are going to have to go to jail or rehab. Sorry!