TheFW

Here's more evidence for the ever-growing argument that you shouldn't let tiny children play with smartphones. You might wind up with something worse than mashed potatoes in your headphone jack. You could wind up with a used car from eBay.

Listen, we understand that headline is a pretty tall order. We know exactly what you're thinking -- "I used to watch 'Passions.' Bring it." We thought the same thing. But, holy moly, did 'General Hospital' have a surprise in store for us.

You don't always need to feel embarrassed when a dude in a Lycra bodysuit schools you at streetball. If the schooling is done by The Professor, it's totally acceptable to get trounced on the court.

Amanda Bynes is awfully upset by how ugly so many people are. She will gladly tell the world (or at least her Twitter folllowers) how ugly somebody who upset her is.

Goats are weird and adorable and hilarious in any situation. It's sort of perplexing, because the animals are also pretty talented in unusual ways, like fainting and screaming. Honestly, what?!

Just like real moms, TV moms are more than just moms -- especially in real life. Here are a few fun facts about the women you grew up watching.

Let's imagine you're ordering a pizza online. Before clicking "order," have you ever noticed that small area where you can write comments or additional directions? As far as we're concerned, this feature is highly underused, because this is where pizza box art is born.

A Walmart employee's concern for animal rights has gotten her fired.

Remember cringing in terror while a pair of vultures chuckled about your impending doom? Remember screaming as the log you were riding dropped down into a flooded briar patch? If you do, then you remember Splash Mountain, one of the top thrill rides at the Disney parks since 1989.

Maria in 'Metropolis.' The Iron Giant. Wall-E. Gort in 'The Day the Earth Stood Still.' R2-D2 in 'Star Wars.' The Terminator. Movie history is filled with incredible and iconic artificial beings, robots who have both chilled our bones and warmed our hearts.

When you think of an animal chasing a car, what do you think of? A dog, right? Turns out, more than just dogs have this habit.

Sure, we're laughing at these videos, but we're also sort of horrified. Apparently being entertained takes precedence before terror (this explains roller coasters) though, because we cannot stop watching these FaceMashUp videos.

Listen, we love/hate nothing more than wasting an entire weekend hiding from all of our friends and re-watching 'Bones' on Netflix, and we're grateful to not have to wait for USA to do another 'SVU' marathon, but there are just some things Netflix Instant can't replace.

Regardless of your stance on the Zach Braff Kickstarter debacle, you can't say nothing good came of it. Sure, it may have sent douche chills up your spine to see a millionaire asking for money so he could make exactly the movie he wanted to make, but at the same time, thanks to his awesome Kickstarter rewards, this guy is getting married!

If the pants hadn't already sealed the deal, we can officially confirm it: Justin Bieber is the WORST. Here he is peeing in a mop bucket at a nightclub on his way out because he couldn't be bothered to make a brief restroom detour.