20 Hilariously Awful ‘Lois Lane’ Comic Book Covers
Comic books have not always been the enlightened bastions of feminism they are now. Back in the '50s and '60s, they were…let's just say they were a reflection of the times. And just like Superman could be a real jerk, Lois Lane had her less-than-PC moments too. A lot of them, actually. In celebration of International Women's Day and how just how far women have come, here are 20 of Superman's gal Lois Lane's most unfortunate moments.
Maybe You Should Try Calling a Boat
Gee, Lois, if you're stuck on what seems to be a well-engineered raft with some boxes and a radio, maybe you should try calling the Coast Guard instead of playing pranks on fish. Aquaman has enough to do.
We Think We Saw This In High School Once
We're not sure what makes this cover worse: the two women acting like they're 14, or the really disturbing crazy eyes on both of them. Seriously. Those are ax-murderin' eyes.
So, a Mexican stereotype has fooled Superman into leaving while Lois is tied to a target with a bunch of men in straw hats ready to throw normal-sized darts at her? This might be a bit of a troubling peek at this cover artist's psyche. Either that or he had some really good drugs.
Old People Are Disgusting and Should Be Ashamed of Themselves
Yeah, because Superman's never been turned into an old man. Or a baby. Or a dog. Or a midget. Or a horse. On the other hand, he's not exactly a nice guy, either, so maybe Lois is right here.
Spatial Relations - Not Lois' Strong Suit
Or Superman is holding you upside down to mess with you, Lois. Which do you think is more likely?
More Hot Spicy Racism!
"Quick, Lois! Abandon that child to the angry, rock-throwing mob!" Then again, Lois is the one dressing in a bad Halloween costume, so maybe the kid's better off.
Still More Hot Spicy Racism
Oh, you think this is bad? Check out the actual story in this issue. At least they meant well, but this is not the finest moment of race relations in comics.
If a Guy Won't Marry You, Turning Yourself Invisible Is Not Going to Help
Yeah, Lois, if you've decided to turn yourself invisible just to prove to some guy who won't date you that you're marriage material, you might want to review your priorities.
Attempted Murder and Extortion - The Healthy Foundation to Marriage
Comic book writers loved giving Lois superpowers in the old days, apparently because the idea of a woman having immense power was shocking and unexpected. But, of course, she always lost it by the end of the issue and Superman went on his merry way, avoiding matrimony yet again while Lois became a bitter crying shell of herself. And it was a comic aimed at kids. Hi-larious!
Oh, Those Crazy Backstabbing Females
Yeah, Lana, we're sure a guy calling himself "Ideal Man" is a total dreamboat. He doesn't sound self-involved AT ALL.
This Was Not a Good Plan, Lois
So, you were going to turn Superman, and yourself, into teenagers and this would help you get married...how...precisely?
Or You Could Try Not Being a Jerk, Supes
So, wait, he won't let go of his old girlfriends and this is somehow Lois' fault? We sure hope he pays for her therapy bills out of his Daily Planet salary.
This Explains #9 Pretty Well
What really makes this cover is how utterly oblivious the wedding party is to Lois' obvious misery. That and the fact that Clark Kent apparently married Lois without tipping her off about that little secret of his.
"If You'd Just Agreed to the Jail Cell..."
File this under "Things You Should Have Thought Of, and Things He Should've Brought Up."
Girls Don't Need to Be Smart!
The sad thing is that the 'Superman' villain Bizzaro means the opposite of what he says, so he's actually insulting her. Also, we like how it's bad for a woman to be smart, even if she happens to be a respected investigative journalist for a major metropolitan newspaper.
OK, This Is Just Creepy
"I don't mind. I've just got to choke down this rage and self-hatred and keep knitting!" Also, that's Superman's cousin he's hugging, and it's just a little skeevy.
Her Secret Is She's Got the Neck Muscles to Support a Lead Box
Seriously, that thing must weigh 50 pounds. That can't be healthy. Also, apparently Lois can pop rivet together a box with a speaker within a few minutes of something happening to her face. That's actually kind of awesome. Why does she need Superman again? Oh, right, sexism.
"Thank Rao, I'm Off the Hook!"
You know Superman is just doing this so when Lois changes her mind, he can be a total jerk about it.
No, His Secret Is That He's Creepy
Yeah, if a dude has a room with a gold bust of you, and a life-size photo of you two cuddling, and you're not dating, marrying him is about the last thing you want to do.
He's a Jerk, But He's Also Right
Yeah, he's really got a point there.