Roses wilt and die -- but a handmade knickknack gathering dust on a shelf is forever! That's the unofficial Valentine's Day motto over at the artisanal mall that is Etsy, where Cupid's arsenal of weapons includes not just an arrow, but also knitting needles, soldering irons, and, judging by the 10 clever crafts below, a rapier wit.

  • 1

    Pixel heart earrings

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    Ain't geek love 'grand-ular'? Show your favorite technophile how much "I <3 u"="" with="" these="" cute="" studs.="" (actual="" stud="" not="" included.)="" <="" p="">

    Plushable/Etsy
  • 2

    Liquor-flavored lip balms

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    See, alcohol isn't a crutch -- it's a come-on! Smother your smoocher with a few swipes of these lip products, served up in whiskey, rum or tequila flavors, and turn a singles' night last call into love at first lick.

    LipStickWhiskeyGirl/Etsy
  • 3

    Blue and pink panty set

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    We are not going to comment on why this gift set contains two pairs of undies, one in boyish blue and the other in girlie pink. We're not into preconceived notions of gender, dude, and besides, how you and your life partner choose to spend your time with clothes off is completely your biz. Still, we can't help thinking that Buffalo Bill from 'Silence of the Lambs' would want to go halfsies with someone on this.

    luvahuva/Etsy
  • 4

    'SmittenMitten' for two

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    When you're in love with the perfect mate, you never wanna let go. Whenever that love inevitably fades, you'll wish someone would just wrap you up in a strait jacket and cart you away. The SmittenMitten's unique, crossed-hands design can actually suit both purposes.

    LordSewNSew/Etsy
  • 5

    'I Pick You' guitar pick

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    Dating a guitarist? Why? Haven't you heard any of the jokes about guitarists? ("What's the difference between a guitar player's girlfriend and a bag of garbage? The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.") So go ahead and give your self-absorbed music man this handsome pick, but in case of imminent break-up, might we suggest a follow-up gift reading "Pluck You."

    gracegraffiti/Etsy
  • 6

    Anatomical heart necklace

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    For those unafraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves -- um, clavicles.

    LostApostle/Etsy
  • 7

    Charlie Sheen V-day card

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    The first rule of Valentine-card writing: "Charlie Sheen" and "Valentine's Day" should never appear in the same sentence. In this case, rules are meant to be broken hilariously.

    artforahome/Etsy
  • 8

    Felt doughnut set

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    Let's see, I'm looking for a gift that says, "Emotionally and metaphorically speaking, I think you're awfully sweet. But on the other hand, I feel compelled to help curb your intake of actually edible, sugar-based products." Perfect.

    TomomoHandmade/Etsy
  • 9

    Wire 'XOXO' picture frame

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    Another perfect before-and-after gift. Before your relationship comes to a grinding halt, it's a nifty piece of wall decor suitable for showcasing the photo that best captures your coupledom in all its adorable glory. After you break up, it's a long piece of wire, which we hear is good for strangling exes.

    firstcomesloveco/Etsy
  • 10

    Suggestive avocado art

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    Perfect for the person you love who also loves Georgia O'Keeffe.

    TheJoyOfColor/Etsy