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Woman Beats Up Husband for Having Copies of The Onion

No, this is not an Onion headline. In fact, it’s a lot stranger than anything the Onion could dream up,

Lynne Rasbornik is not a fan of the Onion. She believes the satirical newspaper, whose online articles are often mistaken for real by your annoying relatives, is pornography. We don’t see it ourselves, but she’s entitled to her opinion.

So her husband, who enjoys said newspaper, was hiding the copies that he picked up in his trunk. Then Rasbornik found them and all hell broke loose.

Rasbornik began to flail her arms and scream before running out of the house to the victim’s car and take his cell phone, a notebook with his driver’s license and credit card inside, a Starbucks gift card and his handicapped placard.

Just to make this case a bit more weird and awful, Rasbornik attempted to injure herself in front of the officer to pretend her husband had attacked her, not vice versa.

Rasbornik is currently in custody. The Onion staff are currently trying to convince their friends that, dude, they didn’t write this, this totally happened.

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