Chinese takeout is a classic American staple, and fortune cookies are easily the greatest part of the meal. Why? Surprise fortunes are inside, duh!

The thing is, sometimes these pieces of paper don't carry through on their fortune-esque duties. See, they're supposed to be all, "You will strike it very, very rich one day" or something equally awesome, but there are those rare predictions that make us read twice.

Weird (although hilarious) fortunes exist out there in the realm of Chinese food, and we're not entirely sure whether we should laugh or be really afraid for the future. Check 'em out below.

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