Wax figures are a fun novelty idea, but sometimes (read: like, 90 percent of the time) these things are just plain terrible.

Have you guys ever been to a wax museum? We mean like, really been to one and come face-to-face with the soulless, hollow wax corpses of celebrity obsession? Those things are terrifying. And while yeah, some are pretty spot-on, most are hilariously awful (and creepy, so creepy).

With that in mind, we’ll show you the cream of the awesomely bad crop of celebrity figure fails to save you a trip to your local wax humiliation mausoleum.

Don’t say we never did anything for you.

  • Tom Hanks

    We all love Tom Hanks. Who doesn't love Tom Hanks?

    You? You're lying.

    But this is not Tom Hanks. This is like if you took a doll of Tom Hanks and squeezed its head so its face was all smooshed.

    His forehead is so huge -- that thing is going to attract amateur graffiti artists like moths racing to the sun. Better yet, let's attach a flyer to help find his eyelashes.

    "MISSING: Tom Hanks' eyelashes. Last seen fluttering by Jamba Juice. Loves giving eyeball hugs. Answers to 'Tom Hanks' Eyelashes' or 'Tickle Pieces.' Approach with caution."

  • Jennifer Aniston

    Where are your 'Friends' now, Jennifer Aniston?

    Who's going to tell the people at the wax museum that they spent way too much time trying to get your nose right? That thing has been worked over so much we're pretty sure they used illegal child labor.

    And that color of lipstick doesn't look good on anyone. What is that? Did they find it in an old tub of Mary Kay products in someone's mom's bathroom?

  • Tom Cruise

    Tom Cruise‘s eyebrows are eating his eyes. In fact, we’re pretty sure those eyebrows are running the whole show and pulling all the strings on that face.

    Did someone try to make a wish and throw a coin in his face? Those ripples are intense. There’s something off about the skin color, too.

    It’s alcoholic Tom Cruise on a 12-hour bender and he wants to tell you about this amazing new religion that’s going to change everything. Or try to sell you a juicer on a late-night infomercial.

  • Lindsay Lohan

    Theory: Lindsay Lohan is Jason Bateman in drag?

    Or maybe the wax artist got confused and made a figure of Lindsay’s sister Ali instead. We’re not entirely sure what’s going on here.

    Second theory: Did the sculptor get into Lindsay’s stash of cocaine?

    Because this looks like the work of someone who was really excited and thought they could make three figures at once, resulting in this weird Lindsay Lohan/Ali Lohan/Jason Bateman hybrid.

  • Jim Carrey

    We know Jim Carrey‘s nickname is “Rubberface,” but come on.

    And those eyes. THOSE EYES. They’re like when Michael Jackson turns into a werewolf in the ‘Thriller’ video.

    Fun fact: Jim Carrey is an evil cat-man and it looks like you could go spelunking in the crevasses on that face.

    Wax figures can’t talk, but we’re pretty sure this one is silently screaming KILL MEEEEE.