18 Things That Justin Bieber Can Do Now That He’s 18
Happy birthday, Justin Bieber! Yes, the Beebs is officially a man now. (Well, as much as anyone with that singing voice can be called a man.) So how should he spend his 18th birthday now that he has a sweet sports car? We’ve got some ideas.
1. Go see an R-rated movie. Like, say, ‘Wanderlust.’ Somebody has to see it.
2. Dump Selena Gomez so he can date an older, more mature woman. Like Helen Mirren.
3. Get a haircut that makes him look like a responsible adult. Might we suggest the Phil Spector?
4. Buy a new name for his manager Scooter Braun. What grown man is named Scooter?
5. Open an account on Match.com. He obviously has a lot of problems getting dates.
6. Enlist in the army and bring his brand of Auto-tuned teen pop to the mean streets of Kabul.
7. Finally get rid of the “Safe Search” controls his mom put on his internet so he can see all the nice things people are saying about him.
8. Start dating “cougars,” like he said on Twitter. Now instead of being creepy and illegal, it’s just creepy.
9. Finally be free of the magic gnome who granted him eternal youth and the singing voice of an angel.
10. Take a trip to Quebec, where the snow is plentiful and the drinking age is 18.
11. Announce his candidacy for president. He can’t do it legally, but he’d get enough votes to win.
12. Discover the thrilling experience of filing taxes. Welcome to the rest of your life, Beebs.
13. Join the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.’ Now that Snooki can’t drink, that show’s going to go downhill fast.
14. Undergo plastic surgery to stay young. His hectic schedule has really aged him. He almost looks like he’s 12 now.
15. Challenge Tim Tebow to a dance-off for the hand of Taylor Swift.
16. Reveal that he’s actually a robot created by Usher.
17. Register to vote. He wouldn’t want to miss out on 2012’s big political race. We are of course referring to the municipal elections in his hometown of Stratford, Ontario.
18. Ride a motorcycle, get wasted, pick a fight. Oh, who are we kidding? He’s still Justin Bieber.