13 Ways ‘House’ Should Have Ended
‘House,’ the adventures of the TV doctor with the worst bedside manner, came to an end after eight seasons last night. (Finally, Dr. Phil can reclaim his title of TV’s least likable doc.)
Of course, like all TV finales that attempt to close the book on a long-running series of stories and (presumably) beloved characters, there were more than a few surprises in how they brought the show to its inevitable conclusion. Here’s what we think should have happened.
1. House is fired for accidentally killing a patient during a surgery because he touched the sides with a pair of tweezers and made the patient’s nose light up red like in the ‘Operation’ board game.
2. His bum leg is magically healed by an elf and he becomes a forward for the LA Galaxy.
3. He gets his own angry pundit news show on Fox News called ‘Bringin’ Down Da House!.’
4. For once, it is House who gets lupus.
5. He wakes up from a horrid dream about being a mean doctor in a hospital with an overly dramatic staff and realizes his whole life is just the daydream of an autistic boy.
6. He hires a promising, underage medical prodigy to replace him named “Doogie Howser.”
7. During a routine prostate check, he “misplaces” his watch.
8. He cashes in all of his fraudulent Medicare checks to buy a sweet Winnebago for a road trip to Branson.
9. In a touching climax to the series, House learns he’s pregnant.
10. He successfully prosecutes his rival, Dr. Mario, for over-medicating patients with multi-colored pills.
11. The angry doctor finally gets mad enough to kick a puppy. Miraculously, the kick saves the puppy from choking on a doggy biscuit.
12. It turns out that bad leg of his was really just an eight-year-long Charley Horse.
13. For once, his fellow doctors do some actual medical work instead of just blindly trusting House’s crazy hunch.