A Guide to the 15 Most Ridiculous ‘Horse’ Tweets
We’re not positive when this meme started, but some nincompoop (or nincompoops) had the bright idea of tweeting as top thoroughbred horses on Twitter — i.e. taking on the personality of the horse and tweeting updates from the apparently 13-year-old girl-esque equine point of view. Frankly, it makes the Bronx Zoo Cobra meme look like Stephen Hawking.
That said, some of these “horses” are better than others at the task. Check out our Top 15 Best “Horse” Tweets below.
Wasn't my day.
— Micromanage (@MicromanageColt) October 6, 2012
Short, sharp, shocked. This is how horses tweet when they’re on the losing end of distance.
I just won the @BelmontStakes
— Palace Malice (@PalaceMalice) June 8, 2013
Palace Malice is just off a Belmont Stakes win (the last leg of horse racing’s Triple Crown), and this is basically what we expected from a horse who’d just run a mile and a half. What, you expect him to be tweeting about what he had for lunch? Spoiler alert: it was probably a carrot.
So proud of my brother @TakeChargeIndy. He ran an amazing race yesterday. But today is my day!
— Will Take Charge (@WillTakeCharge) May 4, 2013
Some horses have multiple brothers and sisters racing at the same time during any given year. Here, Will Take Charge shouts out to his favorite broseph. (Or would that be horseph?)
— Orb (@OrbColt) June 2, 2013
Winner of the 2013 Kentucky Derby, Orb apparently supports the Grand Old Party. (We wonder if an elephant snapped the photo.) At the very least, it would’ve been a perfect photobomb scenario for a nearby donkey. (Sorry, we took that political analogy as far as it could go.)
Happy retirement @blackcaviar2006 take care of yourself and who knows maybe see you soon neigh
— Frankel (@frankel_horse) April 17, 2013
Frankel is a now-retired British horse, who won an incredible 14 races in a row — all of his lifetime starts. Here he is neighing at Black Caviar, an Aussie horse who had a historic undefeated streak of 25 races in a row. Little known fact: Australia was founded as an asylum for penal colony-bound horses.
Violence is now signing off of Twitter for good. #ThanksForAllTheSupport
— Violence (@ColtViolence) February 25, 2013
Great news! Violence has ended! What’s that? That’s just the name of a horse? Oh dear.
Goodbye Kentucky. Cleaning out my stall. pic.twitter.com/FcovyFwjdR
— Vyjack (@Vyjack) May 6, 2013
Vyjack is not only a skilled tweeter (with hooves!), but also apparently works in a cubicle with a desktop computer when he’s not out racing around. Well, he did until he was laid off and had to clean out his stall. The economy is particularly tough on horses.
— Overanalyze (@OveranalyzeColt) May 5, 2013
— Baylee Sue Gilmer (@Baylee309) May 5, 2013
Overanalyze took the high road after he got dusted in this year’s Kentucky Derby. Horses have feelings, too, you know! Even better are all the people tweeting their support. He’s a horse. He can’t respond or grasp the concept of Twitter, people.
Nacho Business and I are hitting the hay early tonight. We have a big day tomorrow. Good night. Tweet everyone tomorrow! #HorsesWhoTweet
— Ruler On Ice (@Ruler_On_Ice) January 29, 2013
Winner of the 2011 Belmont Stakes, Ruler On Ice has a pretty awesome name to start with. Having a friend named ‘Nacho Business’ to hang out with, though? We wonder if he’s the type of horse that digs a late-night run to Taco Bell.
— TheGoldencents (@TheGoldencents) June 8, 2013
Some horses like to imbibe while watching Triple Crown races. And by ‘imbibe’ we mean binge-eat hay.
I'm so hungry, I could eat a … um … well, something that has a similar body mass as myself.
— Meaty Will (@meatywill) August 15, 2012
Full disclosure: the author of this list of horse tweets himself runs his mouth off from the Twitter handle @Mediawill. Someone at his old job at Adweek got the idea — because he sometimes slurs his speech — to launch a Twitter handle for his alter-ego: Meaty Will, a horse that enjoys tweeting about meat products. So launched the “Meme That Only Five People Care About.”
— ShanghaiBobbyHorse (@ShanghaiBobby10) June 4, 2013
An early contender for this year’s Kentucky Derby, Shanghai Bobby was injured and taken off the Derby trail. So when Bobby returned from rehab, this was his unofficial statement. He’s basically the Amanda Bynes of horse Twitter.
— Verrazano (@VerrazanoColt) May 4, 2013
Verrazano, an early favorite for this year’s Kentucky Derby (who fell short), cops to how he tweets. Makes us wonder how those big blocks of cartilage hit the keys.
— Oxbow (@Oxbowcolt) May 20, 2013
Winner of the 2013 Preakness Stakes — who prematurely ended list-mate Orb’s Triple Crown bid — Oxbow tried to start a hashtag trend/meme like everybody’s favorite Bible-thumping virgin, Tim Tebow. Enter #oxbowing.
Ugh. Get well soon Point of Entry. :==8(
— TakeChargeIndy (@TakeChargeIndy) June 9, 2013
This tweet from Take Charge Indy wins our Best Horse Tweet of 2013 not because it’s particularly funny or anything. It’s more about the horse emoticon (cue: sad trombone) at the end of the tweet. Now that’s some pro-level tweeting as a horse.