‘Teen Mom’ Farrah and Four More Awesomely Bad Reality Show Singers
Say what you will about hotel “heir-head” Paris Hilton, but she’s a pioneer. Who could forget what she did for the genre of celebrity sex tapes, train-wreck reality TV…or music?
Thanks to Hilton’s brave/grotesque trailblazing skills, the music single is another tool in the belts of the famous and untalented. Let’s examine some noteworthy offenders in this war on music.
Farrah Abraham of ‘Teen Mom,’ ‘Finally Getting Up From Rock Bottom’
We’re still debating if this Auto-Tuned, drum machine face-punch Farrah Abrahams dropped onto the laps of InTouch Weekly editorial staffers even constitutes music. According to their interview with the “Momtrepreneur,” the song is about “finding happiness.” We’re guessing this is the kind of happiness one feels after being savagely attacked by wolves, or the calming sensation experienced moments before death by torture.
Angelina Pivarnick of ‘Jersey Shore,’ ‘I’m Hot’
The song begins with an introduction stating who she is, followed by the empty threat of “yeah, there’s nothing you can do about it!” While we won’t get into exactly what can be done about it (we don’t recommend shooting your screen like this dude did over Bristol Palin’s DWTS performance), we can see how this song could certainly make you want to. A dollar to anyone who can make it more than 90 seconds into this jam (we couldn’t).
Kevin Federline, ‘Popozao’
Remember when K-Fed was a dancer? Remember when he was married to Britney Spears? Sometime between those two things one of Britney’s highly paid, “yes to everything” men told Mr. Spears he could sing. So he did. It was not right on.
Arianny Celeste, UFC Ring Girl, ‘Fight To Love Me’
Fans of contact sport mixed-martial arts fighting know that Arianny Celeste is good at two things– wearing a bikini and counting to five. Celeste could’ve just left it at that, but in 2011 she decided to become a triple threat by trying to sing. Behold a preview of her debut single ‘Fight To Love Me.’ We had to fight our way through this techno disaster.
Kim Zolciak from ‘Real Housewife of Atlanta,’ ‘Tardy for the Party’
If there’s one thing every good houseguest knows, it’s proper etiquette involving party attendance. Apparently, Kim Zolciak’s friends didn’t get the memo, so she coined this techno travesty to remind them. Remember, don’t be late to one of Kim’s fetes lest you might be punished with an a cappella version of this ear abomination.