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10 Funny Parks and Recreation Quotes

Parks&Rec
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Here they are, straight from Pawnee, Indiana, 10 of our favorite quotes from ‘Parks and Recreation.’ Although it was really hard to narrow it down to just 10, with Ron Swanson chucking out gems every time he opens his beautiful mustachioed mouth. To make up for not including them all, we’re going to lose a whole weekend to watch the entire series on Netflix.


1

"It reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my pet calves to slaughter with my own hands for my 6th birthday. I couldn't choose, so I slaughtered both of them. And they were delicious."

-- Ron Swanson
 
 
 
2

"If it doesn't have meat...it's a snack."

-- Ron Swanson
 
 
 
3

"It's true. I no longer have highly trained, professional campaign managers. So what? Are most murders committed by highly trained, professional assassins? No, they're committed by friends and coworkers!"

-- Leslie
 
 
 
4

"What's the point of doing 10,000 pushups a week if you have no one to do them with. I'd much rather do 5,000 pushups with a lovely woman... sitting on my back to increase my resistance."

-- Chris
 
 
 
5

"I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The whiz palace, as I like to call it."

-- Leslie
 
 
 
6

"Ann, you beautiful tropical fish."

-- Leslie
 
 
 
7

"I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something."

-- Ron Swanson
 
 
 
8

"Yes, we're gonna get a dish rack, and shower curtains, and a cutting board, but if you think for one second that I'm not also gonna get that marshmallow shooter so I can shoot you in the face with marshmallows when you're asleep, then you're the dumbest woman I know."

-- Andy
 
 
 
9

"I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas Brothers make out with three Robert Pattinsons. It was amazing."

-- April
 
 
 
10

"Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hot, spinning cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing."

-- Ron Swanson
 
 
 

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