6 Movie Video Games We Want to Play That Will Never Happen
Every big-budget action movie has the inevitable hastily thrown together video game adaptation, and for the most part, they’re terrible. (Yes, that one ‘Lord of the Rings’ movie game was pretty good, and that one Hulk game.) But a lot of movies aren’t even in the running to get their own video game adaptation, and we think that’s a shame. Here’s a few games we would pitch to Hollywood bigwigs. (Photoshops by Kristy Puchko)
This would be the most stealthy of all stealth games. Half the game is spent Sim City-ishly building a Hollywood movie, and the other half is spent sneaking around open markets and airports. No violence, no negotiating — just atmospheric tension.
A driving game, obviously, but one that involves very little driving. There’s about an hour-and-a-half of cut scenes with Quick-time Events, and 20 minutes of actual gameplay. And yes, there’s a button for “face stomping.”
An RPG to end all RPGs. There’s no fighting, no items, no questing — it’s just you, leveling up your brain skills as the explosive member of a weirdo cult. Bonus achievements if you win an Oscar for it!
A fighting game, of course. You can only play as one character, The Bride, but you will fight your way through the entire Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, and everyone else who gets in your way, with just your wits, feet, fists and a Hattori Hanzo sword. The fact that ‘Kill Bill’ hasn’t already inspired a series of games is enough to make us go on a revenge-fueled killing spree.
The upcoming ‘Star Wars’ movie
This will be a puzzle game, but you don’t play as Han or Darth Vader or whoever. Instead, you play a Hollywood executive tasked with figuring out how the hell this movie is going to work.
It’s basically just Duke Nukem Forever, but without Duke Nukem. Turns out it improves the game quite a bit.