11 More Remakes That Hollywood Will Probably Attempt
We may as well just embrace the never-ending wave of remakes flooding the market. It’s not like it’s going to stop anytime soon. Rather than sit around and grumble, we decided to put on our imagination caps and try to predict what will be coming soon to a theater near you. The results may disturb you. (Posters by Kristy Puchko)
‘The Prisoner’ starring Daniel Craig and Liam Neeson
Sure, AMC did that updated ‘Prisoner’ miniseries with Ian McKellen and Jim Caviezel, but it’s best if we all ignore that. Everyone from Christopher Nolan to ‘Con Air’ director Simon West has tried to make a big-screen version of Patrick McGoohan’s cult classic TV series. Wouldn’t you like to see Daniel Craig and Liam Neeson squaring off as Number Six and Number Two? Really, they could take either role and we’d be on board.
‘The Rockford Files’ with The Rock
Reportedly Vince Vaughn is developing a big-screen version of the beloved James Garner private eye series. That’s such good casting, there’s no way Hollywood will let it happen. Chances are they’ll cast The Rock, who is Tinseltown’s secret ingredient for jumpstarting franchises (see ‘Fast and Furious’ and ‘G.I. Joe: Retaliation’). Plus, Hollywood loves obvious, easy-to-remember titles. Thus, ‘The Rockford Files’ starring The Rock.
‘Billy Madison’ starring Jonah Hill
Jonah Hill has already proven he can play an easily angered man-child, so he’d be perfect for the Billy Madison role whenever Hollywood inevitably gets around to remaking Adam Sandler flicks. Dan Finnerty could make an appearance as the sleazy 3rd grade graduation singer.
‘Harvey’ with James Franco
This isn’t the ‘Harvey’ of 1950 — this is the gritty ‘Harvey’ of today, and there’s only one actor up for the challenge: James Franco, who probably spends most of his time IRL talking to imaginary rabbits anyway.
‘Adam’s Rib’ with Javier Bardem and Frances McDormand
The Coen Brothers are on a roll with remakes (at least in the sense that they keep making them — ‘Gambit’ hasn’t fared too well), so we wouldn’t be surprised if they rolled out a remake of the Spencer Tracy/Katherine Hepburn classic. It’ll be like ‘The Hudsucker Proxy’ meets ‘Legal Eagles‘ except hopefully not as terrible as that sounds.
‘Remington Steele’ with Henry Cavill and Emma Stone
‘Remington Steele’ has an insane, only-in-the-’80s premise (a female private eye hires a man to be the face of her agency because who would hire a woman, right?), so it’s only a matter of time before some money-grubbing Hollywood bigwig updates it as a bland romantic comedy. Henry Cavill is generically handsome and passably charismatic enough to be a fair replacement for Pierce Brosnan. And while we think Emma Stone deserves better than playing second fiddle in a blockbuster to yet another British man, there aren’t many good roles for women in Hollywood, so she might as well carry on Stephanie Zimbalist’s legacy.
‘Little Monsters’ with Nolan Gould and Kevin James
Hollywood is intent on destroying all of our precious childhood memories, so it’s only a matter of time before they reboot ‘Little Monsters’ with Kevin James. ‘Modern Family’ star Nolan Gould is a pretty good facsimile of old-school Fred Savage, but nobody, NOBODY, could ever replace late-’80s era Howie Mandel.
Tim Burton’s ‘Metropolis’ with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter
Remaking ‘Metropolis’ would provide Tim Burton the opportunity to create a dark, art deco future world with robots. Doesn’t that sound like something Tim Burton has done a million times, er, would want to do with his favorite actors Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter?
‘Quantum Leap’ with Channing Tatum and Jason Bateman
Not going to lie — we would absolutely, gleefully watch this.
‘Weird Science’ with Kate Upton, Michael Cera and Jay Baruchel
Funny thing is — this is actually happening. Probably not with this cast, but, still, freaky…