Toaster? May as well call it Bread Burner That Smells Up Your Kitchen, amirite??? Lurking in the corners of your kitchen cabinets, hidden in the dark recesses of your closet, if you own these items, you are LIVING IN A HOUSE OF LIES. Here's how they should be marketed.

Corkscrew

Kristy Puchko

Italian Espresso Machine

Kristy Puchko

Portable Radio

Kristy Puchko

Printer

Kristy Puchko

iPod

Kristy Puchko

Cheese Grater

Kristy Puchko

Whiteboard

Kristy Puchko

Vending Machine

Kristy Puchko

-- Written by Nick Nadel and Kristy Puchko

-- Photoshops by Kristy Puchko