10 Extravagant Baby Gifts for the Kid Who Needs Spoiling
Now that baby Blue Ivy Carter has been introduced to the world, it’s safe to say that proud parents Jay-Z and Beyonce (and everyone from their assistants to Oprah) are currently showering the little one with gifts. But what do you get for the baby who has literally everything? Answer: these extravagant bling-ed out gifts.
Because if there’s one thing babies love, it’s diamond-encrusted anything. (Babies are so vain.)
Baby Diamond Bathtub
Outside of sparkly exterior, this crystal studded bathtub is no different from any tub you’d wash your toddler in. But don’t tell that to Kelly Rowland, who bought one for Beyonce and her new baby Blue Ivy. If you like it, then you should have put some bling on it.
Kid Kustoms, $4,495
Babies have to get around too, so you may want to consider this part-stroller, part-hot rod from Kid Kustoms for that new bundle of joy. The Roddler boasts high grade leatherette upholstery, leafspring and hairpin suspension, pivoting front 52 spoke wheels and an adjustable handlebar. And we assume a sippy cup holder.
Bling Baby, $17,000
Hey, it sucks to be a baby. All you can do is lie around all day, your parents are in complete control of you and you go to the bathroom in your pajamas. The only fun you have is happily sucking away on your pacifier, but only if that pacifier is encrusted with diamonds. They can cut glass, but they’re gentle as can be in a baby’s mouth. But good luck trying to take them through a metal detector.
Babies are special. Really, only millions are born every year. So, every baby deserves a special gift. Don’t insult a new baby by bringing it a plain old snuggly teddy bear. If you don’t bring the baby a teddy bear wearing a $10,000 necklace like this adorable guy, you might as well bring the baby a crocodile to swallow it whole.
It is so passé for babies to be born with silver spoons in their mouths these days. The really modern baby is born with a diamond-encrusted silver spoon or it stays in the womb until it gets one. Do your part and purchase a reasonably priced bling-spoon for that new little one.
Diamond-Studded Toilet Seat
Toilet training can be difficult and humiliating. If you care at all for this new baby and her parents, you will immediately whip out your high-limit credit card and shell out the $1,135 for this Swarovski diamond studded, easy-to-carry potty. Maybe get one for yourself too in the event of long public restroom lines.
Of course, before a baby even makes it to a bathroom, he’s going to spend plenty of time using diapers as a depository. But plain, old diapers give babies an inferiority complex. That’s why you need to buy the little tyke designer diapers. Huggies offers denim-inspired versions of the classic baby poop receptacles and Pampers has their own designer versions created by Cynthia Rowley. A baby should never be forced to potty in less than the best.
What better way for a baby to learn how to get around on its all-fours than by watching a pony get around on its all-fours. You show up at that hospital with a Shetland, Palomino, or Clydesdale in tow and you will be the unforgettable hero in that kid’s life forever.
HBC Rattles, $70-$200
Rattles are a ridiculous gift for children. Snakes have rattles, and you don’t want the kids to be comfortable around snakes do you? No. Instead, get a better rattle. Just plain rattling won’t do. You want a hand-tuned rattle for the baby in your life so his ear becomes very sensitive to only the highest quality rattling.
Virgin Galactic, $200,000
Because they can’t walk or drive, babies are pretty much stuck at home. And, since they have very little mass, gravity doesn’t have much of an effect on them. It is for these reasons that every baby should be given the opportunity to ride on a spaceship. They’re tiny, so they’re used to weightlessness. Plus, unlike on a plane, in space, no one can hear their incessant screams.
Finally, especially if your friend or relative has just given birth to a bouncy baby girl, a voucher for some kind of plastic surgery is the perfect investment in the child’s future. Just as mom Sarah Burge, who has given her daughter money towards both breast enhancement surgery and liposuction, can attest, nothing makes a baby feel loved like knowing she isn’t pretty enough.