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The Best ’30 Rock’ Quotes


’30 Rock’ hasn’t even ended yet and we’re already preparing to miss it desperately, so to take the edge off, we’ve put together a list of the best lines from the show.


"I'm as happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman."

-- Tracy Jordan

"I can talk to animals! Well, not talk to them. I can take commands from them."

-- Kenneth Parcell

"Without me you'd still be behind that lightboard in Chicago turning bags of Sour Patch Kids inside out to lick them clean."

-- Jenna Maroney

"Keep in mind, we Hornbergers are notorious cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one—just in case."

-- Pete Hornberger

"You look like that flash card they told me means sadness."

-- Jenna Maroney

"I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs."

-- Liz Lemon

"Female jealousy is an evolutionary fact, Lemon. If you try to breed it out of them, you wind up with a lesbian with hip dysplasia."

-- Jack Donaghy

"When I first started working here, an eight-year-old Shirley Temple showed me how to roll a cigarette."

-- Kenneth Parcell

"Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society--by which I mean I got fired."

-- Pete Hornberger

"'TGS with Tracy Jordan' without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like 'liberal government' or 'female scientist.'"

-- Jack Donaghy

"Listen up, Fives. A Ten is speaking."

-- Jenna Maroney

"We produce more failed pilots than the French air force."

-- Jack Donaghy

"All right, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor."

-- Dr. Leo Spaceman

"It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"

-- Jack Donaghy on why he's wearing a tux

"It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain!"

-- Kenneth Parcell

"Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s."

-- Dr. Leo Spaceman

"Drama is like gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes."

-- Jenna Maroney

"I look forward to reading your obituary."

-- Jenna Maroney

"Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold."

-- Jack Donaghy

"You know how the media are. They wait for a mistake and that's all you are. It happened to Hitler. No one ever talks about his paintings."

-- Jack Donaghy

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