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The Best ’30 Rock’ Quotes

30RockCast

’30 Rock’ hasn’t even ended yet and we’re already preparing to miss it desperately, so to take the edge off, we’ve put together a list of the best lines from the show.


1

"I'm as happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman."

-- Tracy Jordan
 
 
 
2

"I can talk to animals! Well, not talk to them. I can take commands from them."

-- Kenneth Parcell
 
 
 
3

"Without me you'd still be behind that lightboard in Chicago turning bags of Sour Patch Kids inside out to lick them clean."

-- Jenna Maroney
 
 
 
4

"Keep in mind, we Hornbergers are notorious cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one—just in case."

-- Pete Hornberger
 
 
 
5

"You look like that flash card they told me means sadness."

-- Jenna Maroney
 
 
 
6

"I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs."

-- Liz Lemon
 
 
 
7

"Female jealousy is an evolutionary fact, Lemon. If you try to breed it out of them, you wind up with a lesbian with hip dysplasia."

-- Jack Donaghy
 
 
 
8

"When I first started working here, an eight-year-old Shirley Temple showed me how to roll a cigarette."

-- Kenneth Parcell
 
 
 
9

"Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society--by which I mean I got fired."

-- Pete Hornberger
 
 
 
10

"'TGS with Tracy Jordan' without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like 'liberal government' or 'female scientist.'"

-- Jack Donaghy
 
 
 
11

"Listen up, Fives. A Ten is speaking."

-- Jenna Maroney
 
 
 
12

"We produce more failed pilots than the French air force."

-- Jack Donaghy
 
 
 
13

"All right, now that the popsicle's melted we've got ourselves a tongue depressor."

-- Dr. Leo Spaceman
 
 
 
14

"It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"

-- Jack Donaghy on why he's wearing a tux
 
 
 
15

"It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain!"

-- Kenneth Parcell
 
 
 
16

"Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s."

-- Dr. Leo Spaceman
 
 
 
17

"Drama is like gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes."

-- Jenna Maroney
 
 
 
18

"I look forward to reading your obituary."

-- Jenna Maroney
 
 
 
19

"Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold."

-- Jack Donaghy
 
 
 
20

"You know how the media are. They wait for a mistake and that's all you are. It happened to Hitler. No one ever talks about his paintings."

-- Jack Donaghy
 
 
 

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