Just trying to fit in.
Neal Lynch
No. 38: The Ministers Quartet – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Let Me Touch Him'
The last time we let you guys touch him, he couldn't walk for a week. It's important to note that the follow-up to this album is called, 'Then I'll Settle Down.' Sure you will. You said that the last dozen times.
Despite their touch-y, feel-y overtones, we'd still like to know what led the Ministers Quartet to choose their unfortunate album name...
No. 39: Orleans – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Waking and Dreaming'
Dreaming? Or nightmar-ing? This photo appears to have been taken a good five seconds or so before a full blown, all-dude orgy.
From what we hear the "anything goes" 1970s were pretty psychedelic, so this sort of nude group hangout must've been like brushing one's teeth back then...
No. 40: John Bult – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Julie's Sixteenth Birthday'
This could be the most uncomfortable cover on our list. What in the world is going on here? Julie is having the WORST sweet sixteen known to MTV.
They appear to be at a restaurant or bar. She's bummed for having royally messed up her piano performance...
No. 14: Heino – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Liebe Mutter'
So, Heino (aka Heinz Georg Kramm) is a German singer who's known for his bass voice, blonde hair and ever-present sunglasses. That reputation must've come after this cover. Yeesh.
Not gonna lie, we thought this was a woman...
No. 45: Dick Black and His Band – 50 Worst Album Covers
'A Taste of Dick Black'
No thank you. We're good. You can't even Google this guy's name without the search engine blushing; it's tailor made for "best entry ever" in the phone book. It's almost too good to be true -- either there's some genius out there who took advantage of Dick's naivete or everyone's just sublimely blind to the world's dirty minds...
No. 13: Mike Adkins – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Thank You For the Dove'
Well, we know how much you love symbols of peace. (Sorry, we couldn't get it to hold an olive branch.)
As offbeat as this might seem, we feel like Mike Adkins might be the kind of guy who once had a great career, a loving family, and was a hit at the party spouting off tall tales and jokes galore...
No. 12: Francisco Y Fernando – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Vamos a la Playa'
"Hey bros, you beachin' it today? Sweet. Lemme get my boogie board."
Tough to say what's going on here. Is this a father-son combo or is it a rebel uncle teaching his awkward nephew how to be a man? Are they lovers...
No. 11: The Singing Postman – 50 Worst Album Covers
'The Best of The Singing Postman'
Despite the stigma that all postal service employees are either driven insane by their presumably uneventful job or just bitter to the point of losing all human decency, most mailmen or women are a jovial bunch...
No. 10: Swamp Dogg (Again) – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Rat On'
Look familiar? Apparently, this dude is a noted songwriter who produced a bunch of award-winning tracks for other artists. Album covers for his projects? They win awards that are on par with the Razzies.
The internet owes a tremendous debt of gratitude for Swamp Dogg...
No. 9: Jeff Beck – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Emotion and Commotion'
Honestly, we can't really give Jeff any guff over this album cover. There's only so much you can do with the title. What's going to stir up both emotion AND commotion?
A bald eagle symbolizing patriotism, an electric guitar symbolizing the spirit of rock 'n' roll - a bastion of free speech, and then the rays of sunshine symbolizing Heaven -- GOD BLESSED AMERICA WITH ROCK 'N
No. 8: Geraldine and Ricky – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Trees Talk, Too!'
This cover makes us think that human/dummy sex could be a full blown, legitimate fetish. How many ventriloquists do you think fall in love with their dummies? Well, we're at least probably sure Geraldine and Ricky did...
No. 7: Aphex Twin – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Windowlicker'
It's pretty well known that Aphex Twin is a weird dude. He's been called, "The most inventive and influential figure in contemporary electronic music" and has recorded under 14 or 15 different aliases. That puts Method Man to shame...
No. 6: Erick and Beverly Massegee – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Amen!'
This cover puts Geraldine and Ricky to shame. While the other pair sort of concealed their unrelenting, burning desire for each other by diverting your attention to environmentalism and channeling your inner hippie, this cover makes no bones about what's going on here -- we've found love in a hopeless place...
No. 5: Vikingarna – 50 Worst Album Covers
'Kramgoa låtar 7'
Vikings are awesome. At least, our modern day idea of vikings is cool. (Thanks, Capital One.) But, when Vikings actually roamed the seas and villages tearing everyone a new one, it probably was not as LOL as we'd like to imagine...
No. 4: Jim Post – 50 Worst Album Covers
'I Love My Life'
If you're having a bad day, week or year, we highly suggest you drink in the visual delight that is Jim Post winning at this whole life thing. How could he not love his life? He's got lip fur, a pretty decent physique, soulful eyes and a relaxing waterfall...