5 Things That Were Shorter-Lived than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ Marriage
It seems like everyone is having fun listing all the things that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' 72-day marriage. But since we're a kinder, gentler pop culture website, we decided to go the opposite route and try to cheer up the newly non-betrothed couple by making a list of things they actually outlasted. Cheer up, Kim! At least your marriage lasted longer than this junk.
Remember the wacky cast of characters from 'Emily's Reasons Why Not,' the ABC sitcom that was supposed to turn Heather Graham into a TV star? Of course you don't: it was canceled after a single airing in January 2006, forever depriving viewers of episodes like 'Why Not to Date a Gynecologist' and 'Why Not to Cheat On Your Best Friend.' Say, how many reasons do you think Kris Humphries has not to marry a Kardashian?
We aren't quite sure how it happened, but somehow, the musical Broadway show inspired by Stephen King's horror classic -- with songs co-written by Dean Pitchford, the guy who wrote the music for 'Footloose' -- failed to find a massive worldwide audience. In fact, it closed after a mere five performances in 1988. At the time, it was as spectacular a failure as the Kardashian/Humphries union, only with more fake pig's blood.
Yes, Kris and Kim, everyone is making fun of your fleeting domestic bliss today. But you can take comfort in the knowledge that, short-lived though your union might have been, it was positively eternal next to the nine-day circus that was Carmen Electra's 1998 marriage to Dennis Rodman. As bad as you might feel right now, just remember: neither of you snuck off to Vegas and got hitched to the star of 'Simon Sez.'
Kris and Kim's wedding reportedly came in at around $20 million. Even if it actually only cost half that much, that still works out to just under $140,000 a day over the lifespan of their marriage. A pretty terrible investment, in other words -- but not too shabby compared to the 60% drop in market value suffered by Netflix after CEO Reed Hastings made the bizarre decision to spin their DVD-by-mail service off into its own company. Plus, they managed to stay married a full 49 days longer than Hastings remained committed to Qwikster. Congrats, guys!
It's easy to sneer at Kim's "kareer" as a reality TV star, saying she's famous for no real reason and accusing her of never giving back. But what most people don't realize is that she's also an outspoken activist; in fact, just last year, she used her celebrity clout to shut down a prepaid debit card that was being marketed to young girls with loads of hidden fees. Perhaps you've heard of it? It was called the Kardashian Kard, and it was only offered for a month. Great job, Kim!